In raising Low-Low I have had to re-program my “mommy brain” from the way I raised my first 3. When raising an infant that you have had since day one, you are always striving to help them reach some level of independence in one way shape or form. We teach them to hold the bottle, hold their spoon, etc…. Seeing them want to do things on their own is a good thing – it means they have been watching you – learning from, and they are now trying to mirror your behavior – they are showing independence – therefor showing that they are learning. Your child that you have had from day one instinctively trusts you. You don’t have to work for that trust – it is an automatic instinct that they have – TO TRUST IN YOU. To reach for mommy or daddy for help – such innocent trust in us. It is US who screw that trust up by walking away and leaving our babies. The adult leaves – the baby gets no help – the baby looses the ability to trust in us. She has to do things on her own. WE SCREW UP TRUST .
This is why when you adopt a baby that is several months old, you go backwards. You have to hold the bottle, you have to hold the spoon and provide the food going into the mouth. YOU HAVE TO MEET BABIES NEEDS. MOMMY (and or DADDY) takes care of your needs now. You can trust Mommy. I am here now – always and forever, and I will always meet your needs. So you re-program your mommy brain (as I have always had of teaching my kids to do things) and you now teach your child that instead of them having to take “care of business” on their own , now YOU will do it for them. “Lean on me – I’ve got you now – I will always protect and take care of you” you try to convey to your child by the actions of feeding her a bottle – feeding her her food, etc…….these are acts of earning trust.
Well, since having Low-Low, the bottle has been a big struggle between her and I. I remember that first night trying to feed her her bottle. I would cradle her (which she LOVES) but she would shove my hands off her bottle and yank her bottle away. I would persist on keeping my hands on the bottle, and finally she let me, but she made sure her hands were holding the bottle – she would have a white knuckle death grip on her bottle. So, for weeks, during nap time and bedtime, when I would cradle her and give her her bottle -we BOTH held the bottle – and that is what worked for my girl.
I have always said how fiercely independent she is. She gave over to me feeding her food the first week I had her, but the bottle was always something she wouldn’t budge on. Well, about 5 nights ago, as I rocked my Low-Low and put the bottle in her mouth during nap time, she dropped her arms by her side. She stared into my eyes as I fed her her milk bottle, and I just felt her body melt against mine. She gave over to me. A very small step to anyone looking on, but a HUGE step towards trust in me. She let me feed her her bottle – she had no interest in holding it.
From that day on, during nap time and bedtime, Low-Low LOVES me rocking her and holding her bottle. Now she uses her hands for things like rubbing her eyes – twisting her ears (a sleepy-time habit of hers) playing with my hair, etc…..
You have to look for the small steps and embrace them.
God has blessed me with this incredible child. She is my heart.
*3 out of the 4 outfits pictured below are courtesy of Sophie. (THANKS Maryellen!)
“Say What???!!!! I have to go to the doctor AGAIN?????!!!!!”
Stopping by the pony to say “hello” on our walk
Big sister came home early from her trip to Fl. because she couldn’t stand being away
Giving kisses to Thor
Jeter trying to get some peace
Getting ready to go out
Family night out for ice cream
First time out at our favorite Hibachi restaurant.
All my kids together at last
because a SASSY little girl needs SASSY toes nails.
Word.
I was so happy to see a post from you! I love it! So glad that she is learning to trust in you! I could almost picture it happening while I read it. I am loving her pink piggies! At last a picture of ALL your precious children…
I have been waiting for an update..
I love reading how you are doing on the attachment and how you do things..
I think the way you have raised your kids is sooo like me..
I love the outfits and remember the one that Sophie wore while she was there last summer…
those little crocs are adorable.. I have to get Izzy’s some..
Looks like things are going well..
LOVE the photo of all your babies.. Sooo can not wait for that moment..
Have a great week..
Hugs..
So cute to see Soph’s summer fav’s on Low Low:)
I have a post in my “drafts” about really really having to parent Sophie differently then Ben and Hannah. I have the same expectations for her ( kind,respectful etc.) but I am going to have to go about it in a different way. I suspect we parented our big kids the same way…..I’ll let you know what the attachment therapist says about setting limits and consequences.
I am off to “rock my baby”
xo
Mare
Love all the info and the updates. Keep ‘em coming.
It just completely melts my heart to see all four of your babies together. What a long time coming… but dreams really do come true.
PS. I see y’all were at our ice cream place.
Damn… that was good stuff.
great update – great pics –
ps – hibachi is our favorite too – we have a big griddle in our summer kitchen and Joe hibachi’s a lot – love it but we still ove to go out for it – he can’t seem to master the shrimp in the hat trick
I love seeing all your children together…
I just sniffled into my apple juice (yes, apple juice – I’m old) at the “all my kids” picture. Literally got me all verklempt – crap.
(pauses for a drink)
ok – um, and the sassy toes…my gawd. How can you stand her? She’s friggin ridiculously cute.
And the trust. BTDT. Thought it was all good – 6 months is still young, bada bada…whatev. It’s a freaking tough road to hoe. If ya feel me…sometimes I still think he’s looking at me like “what parenting lottery did i lose…”
sniffle.
oh brother, it must be THAT time again. dang.
OOHHH I love the pics!! All your kids at last indeed. Beautiful.
Had I “know then” what I know now…………”sigh”
Oh, I was in tears by the part about her letting go of the bottle and trusting you.
I so admire the way that you think and do things. Again, I am very greatful for those going in front of us, cause I can and will learn ALOT from y’all!
Poor Jeter, he’s probably thinking “I’m too old for this!”
Is that Bruster’s Ice Cream? We have a Brusters here, and they have the same tables. Love that place, and especially that those little mini cones are free to little ones!
Hi, you do not know me, but I have been a lurker since you got your referral! We are only 6 days away from our referral and your posts have been so inspirational to me. Thank you so much for sharing your journey! Your daughter is just amazing!
Stephanie
Reading this after reading the attachment books makes me realize that it is going to be hard but we will get there.
Keep smilin!
Great pictures..she is just beautiful!!! Love the pictures of ALL your kiddies together..and her kissing your puppy is just too SWEET!!!! I have a BIG smile..thanks:)
Awwwww, that is so sweet. She is such a doll, I’m glad things are going well. Have a great week!
I had to wipe away a tear after she dropped her arms and looked in your eyes. These little things are BIG.
I’m curious which attachment books you felt were the most helpful. would you mind posting them or sending an e-mail?
I just teared up with your story. ( I remember my Dahlia death gripping that bottle and how little by little she let me hold it and she began to trust.)
Your Low Low is just the prettiest little thing. I love all the pictures of all the daily things she’s up to. But I’ll tell you – I am soooo grateful for you because I can see my little Milana (same b-day as LL) now through your little one as to how tall she is, how she stands and moves and it helps me imagine being with her. Won’t be too long now – we’ll likely be there in Aug.
So glad you are making such great steps forward. Nothing ever gets old about seeing your child learn to trust you, one baby step at a time. Hannah has always had such major problems tolerating being rocked that it’s something I never take for granted. When it happens, it is the most precious thing in the world. Low-Low is just beautiful. Best wishes that you keep on seeing your baby steps forward.
Can I get an AMEN on the giving up control of the bottle and letting mommy take over!!!
Love that Thor is accepting kisses from sweet Low Low
Have you seen a change in your daughters (older) behavior yet since Low Low has been home? I noticed a huge change in Sarah’s. She was much older but she would have nothing to do with kids.. these last two years since Maddy has been with us, Sarah would drive home every weekend just to see Maddy. They are like two peas in a pod.
Great picture of all your children together! :0)
Sending big hugs friend!
Looks like she has just fit right in. I love it. These are great pics of your kids.
So happy she is learning to trust..having never parented a baby from birth I love reading your perspective on it. Yeah, it is hard b/c Coby is almost 18 months old and when you get into conversations with other parents the topic is always, is he feeding himself, doing this himself etc… Nope..Mommy is still doing most of that b/c my baby sat in a crib for 20 hrs a day for 11 months and dang it..he deserves some pampering and babying!! Actually Annslee is the one who loves to feed and baby on him the most : )
Hey, I promise he won’t go to Kindergarten and make the teacher feed him!!
You are doing GREAT and it will pay off!!
Thanks for this wonderful update. It sounds like things are moving along well for you guys. I loved seeing all the pictures, you are blessed indeed
Wow! I have not been on your blog since before you were matched! Your sweet pea is simply gorgeous.
Thank you so much for posting. I can’t wait to catch up on your blog.
I think I’ll start following your blog. Couldn’t do it before because things are crazy around here and will be until the end of summer.
Hugs and many congratulations
Natalie
Do you not have a spot to follow??? Hummmm, let me know
I adored this post. Absolutely adored it. And I am so excited to hear of the attachment progress.
What a wonderful feeling it must have been to have LL finally relax & let you hold the bottle all alone! Congrats on this major step!
A wonderful update! I love seeing all the kids together – pure magic.
I love the rocking story. Low-Low is really beginning to know that you are her mama. (I rock Briana every night and she is almost three!)
What a beautiful little girl! Love your blog because it has 2 things dear to my heart, a pug and a cute little Chinese girl. My pug(s) love our little Mei-Mei. We’ve been home with our little girl now 9 months and things have gotten easier.
Good luck and congratulations!
Oh yeah, and pug requests his ice cream – and make it snappy!
Beautiful. LL letting go of the bottle just melted my heart. Thanks for sharing such a beautiful moment.
You are doing an awesome job! What a little cutie!! Love the pictures with all the kiddos together – finally!!!
Keep writing xxxxxxxxxx cause I need to know this stuff… I am living through what you are saying right now
Oh M, what a beautiful story!!! You are an amazing woman and I am learning so much from you. Your family is just beautiful.
Love and blessings, Kristy
What a wonderful update! You are doing marvelous!!
Yes, I remember the first time AA relaxed and twirled my hair with her fingers! Bonding is very different (most others do not understand this).
Happy 4th!
Alyzabeth’s Mommy for 9.5 Months!
I love this post!!!! I am so happy to hear that she is trusting you…made me smile so big!!!!! Trust takes time and you are on your way {{{{hug}}}}
Boy oh boy does she look good in your arms.
Happy 4th of July!!!!
what a GREAT post… and what amazing progress with these small steps! love love love the photos too- she so seems to just FIT with your family, right??! god what a smile on this kiddo!!
Her pink toe nails are the bomb!!! Great photos.
The control thing is a big deal for these kiddos especially since most of them have done a lot of things for themselves from early on. So glad Low-Low trusts you and is finally accepting you as mom.